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Attn: ChiefDodo (CEO and High Lord of DodoEggs.com)
From: Eugene exiled to the Research and Development Department
Subject: Progress on Secret Project #233
We commend you on your grand vision! You spotted a gaping hole in the marketplace and pounced like chicken pox at a discount day care! We’ve all heard of flying one’s flags at half staff to signify morning but giving people the option of displaying their flags at 1 1/2 staff for happy occasions is pure genius! The day you emailed R&D about the idea we got started developing it the second we arrived back from a long lunch. That we came back from lunch at all should indicate our excitement over the product.
Our initial concerned centered around terminology. Were we talking about flags at “half mast”, “half staff,” or “half pole?” We contacted the Pirate Division on the fourth floor of our Manhattan Headquarters and after they shook down our representatives for office supplies they told us that “half mast” referred to ships and that “half pole” sounded really, really dumb. Thus all the technical documents now refer to the elongated flag posturing device as a “staff.”
We tackled the initial problems right away. Most of us originally thought that simply adding more length to the draw rope would allow the flag to go higher. Extensive beta testing saw no improved performance. Different rope materials including hemp, nylon, and human hair provided no marked improvement. With almost six hundred thousand dollars invested in the longer rope concept – it was abandoned.
After another extended power lunch, the R&D team decided to attach an extension to the top of the pole as opposed to trying to raise the ground surrounding the pole. Some suggested a strong magnetic attachment which is easily installed but high in cost. Others wanted a screw on attachment which would require us to retro-fit existing poles to accept the extensions but would prove much cheaper. We put it to a vote and since it turned out to be fifty-fifty – we are offering a magnet base that attaches to the top of existing flag staffs. The extension screws into the magnetic base.
Uh…the only problem now is installation. Fear not sir, we have installation instructions being prepared as we speak. Below is our rough draft.
Sire, we are also concerned about the perceptions of the common consumer. If a DodoEggs.com Flag Pole Extension Kit is properly installed then displaying one’s flag at normal height now appears to be at half staff! We fear there will be widespread public confusion regarding what mood good citizens are supposed to be in. I suggest we fly a smaller flag below the primary flag with instructions on how to read the position of the primary flag. As is your usual tactic, we’ll let marketing figure out the sticking points.
As aways, sire, you’re always right,
Reserch and Development Lead Idea Maker – Eugene.