One of my favorite lines is, “Gender is easy.” And yet, a group of confused males have adapted a style of dress and actions that are so deviant from the male norm that they have been christened with their own name, the metrosexual.
In response, we have scientifically engineered a brief questionnaire. This concise, self-examination will help one assign a “male index.” You begin with 10 points.
1) You spend more than 5 minutes doing your hair. (-2)
2) You spend less than 1 minute on you hair. (+1)
3) You have a beard. (+1)
4) You pluck your back hair. (+1)
5) You shave your chest hair. (-3)
6) You cut your own hair. (+2)
7) You wear more than 2 rings. (-3)
8)You wear hoop earrings. (-3)
9) You’re proud of your farmer’s tan. (+1)
10) You cannot tie a tie. (-2)
11) You have an ugly T-shirt with pit stains. (+2)
12) You have an ugly T-shirt with pit stains that you wife is begging you to throw away and you refuse. (+3)
13) You own a jock strap. (+1)
14) You change your own car’s oil (+3)
15) You cannot drive a manual transmission. (-2)
16) You have given pictures of yourself to other guys as gifts. (-6)
17) You don’t have a problem reading tabloid magazines in public. (-2)
18) Your primary vehicle is a mini-van. (-1)
19) You have a purebred and proud of it. (+1)
20) You have a mutt and are proud of it. (+3)
21) You know the difference between a doll and an “action figure.” (+2)
22) You, your wife, and your mom make decisions together. (-3)
23) You’ve had athlete’s foot, jock itch, or some other fungus problem. (+2)
24) You still have athlete’s foot, jock itch, or some other fungus problem. (-1)
25) You plug the toilet about once a month. (+1)
26) Cold pizza for breakfast is no problem. (+2)
27) You are a vegetarian. (-2)
28) You’re a veteran of some armed conflict. (+4)
29) You farm or ranch for a living. (+5)
30) You enjoy a game of chess anytime. (+2)
31) You enjoy a game of bunco anytime. (-3)
32) You don’t know what bunco is. (+2)
33) You work out on free weights. (+2)
34) You clean up your own messes and expect hanky-panky. (+0)
35) You do a few extra chores and expect hanky-panky. (+1)
36) You reach for candles and soft music and expect hanky-panky. (+2)
37) You pass a group of ladies and you know they are dicussing you. (+2)
38) You pass a group of ladies and you think they are discussing your shirt. (-1)
39) You cross you legs when you sit. (-1)
40) You cannot leave the house without cologne. (-1)
Less than 20 = You are obviously a woman and took the test just to mess around. Find the nearest guy and tell him you appreciate the difference.
30 to 40= We didn’t want to be the ones to tell you this but…your neighbor is confused and he/she is talking about you. Hold a girl’s hand and walk by his/her picture window sometime.
40 to 50= You are safely in range. Although we don’t recommend it, go ahead and wear that pink polo shirt your wife or girlfriend bought for you.
50 or More = You could converse in the locker room with a towel draped over your head instead of around your waist. That’s masculinity!