Saul’s Balls

When Saul was new (4 or 5 months) Mrs. Teply’s only way to video her new son’s antics was a digital camera that could record live action.  The memory on this device was constrained which really forces a brief duration.  This is fine since Saul’s adorable rating was so high that even limited exposure to the boy caused grandmas, aunts, grandpas, and hardened criminals to rave about Saul’s remarkable qualities. 

The phrase, “Melt my butter” or the more common, “Aww, he’s sooo (switch to much higher octave) cuuute” was often symptomatic of exposure to baby Saul.
 
When bathing, Melissa generally allowed Saul to play and kick in an inch or two of water before draining it.  She encouraged him with an over eager, “Splish and splash” or “wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.”  The very young man responded with strong, sudden kicks and a variety of arm movements.  Sometimes a squeal of delight or long baby talk accompanies playtime in the water.  

After a particularly enjoyable bath, Saul began loudly speaking and playing with such zeal that Melissa snatched her camera and began video recording a short segment.  She captured every bit of Saul’s excited jerking and swinging from the top of his blond hued head to his tiny, pink toes.  She was so delighted by the images of her baby boy enjoying his bath that she decided to share the moment with relatives far and wide (i.e. the Internet).

In a somewhat related note, loving mothers don’t generally facilitate in or have anything do with serious problems such as child pornography, unless, of course, you are Mrs. Teply.  Saul’s mother took the “Too Hot for the Nursery” video and a selection of his most recent pictures to the library in order to E-mail them to the family abroad and post. 

Only later, Melissa realized the possible problems with broadcasting her son in the buff.  During a conversation with Grandpa, she asked him not to E-mail the video to Aunt DJ.  At the time, DJ was maintaining a web site devoted to Saul and Mrs. Teply didn’t want the video posted. 

Grandpa Gregory admitted to already sending the video to DJ and joked about “child pornography.”  

Meanwhile on the other side of the genetic code, Aunt Teply and Great-Grandma were exchanging the video over the Internet landscape with ingenious titles like, “Saul’s Balls.”  The discourse finally crashed into my ears when Grandma called me up to inform me my son was “hung.”  (Most historians agree that this is the first time in recorded civilization that a Great-Grandmother refers to her great grandson’s ample equipment.  She was trying to be funny – I found it hard to laugh.)

Mrs. Teply learned from this mishap.  A quick but strategically placed washcloth is a cure for many ills.

Author: Phantaveous Ghast

I'd rather teach giant roaches to do circus tricks on a street corner in Haiti than wear a pair of skinny jeans.

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