Dateline: December 9th, 2009-
LOCAL HISPANIC WOMAN SUES EVERY COMPANY IN THE UNITED STATES OVER SPANISH LETTERING
Desmonita Diablo has filed a class action lawsuit with the 3rd District US Court claiming discrimination on the basis of culture. According to the suit the smaller Spanish lettering on the labels of many common products makes her feel like a second class citizen and makes it difficult for older Spanish speakers to read the labels. She is suing to make labels of all products the same size and force companies that currently do not have Spanish on their labels to include it.
“Isn’t this America?!” Mrs. Diablo says through a translator. “This is supposed to be the land of fairness! Why is it I always have to press two when I want to speak Spanish?! Why is English always one? This is an institutional bias and is not fair. Be true to your ideals America!”
She continues, “Whenever I go shopping, the first thing I do when I get home is cross out the English on the labels. It’s my silent protest – an expression of consolidation with all the Spanish contributions to this nation. Where would you be America without tequila?”
A coalition of businesses has offered Mrs. Diablo a settlement of nearly six million pesos and an increase in the Spanish font size by one point. This offer was immediately rejected by Mrs. Diablo. She replied through her lawyer, a Mr. Jose Loco, “To offer Mrs. Diablo six million pesos is an insult to her heritage and financial intelligence. We want dollars.”
She is planning a second lawsuit to force all roads including interstates to have Spanish right next to the English. This second suit will not include monetary damages as she expects to be living well after she collects a settlement from the first lawsuit.
“Everyday I have to commute across the boarder, over rough terrain, and past Border agents. When I get to the city, it would make life much easier if everything was in Spanish too.” Here Mrs. Diablo becomes adamant. “We are guests America! Have you not heard of the right to hospitality?”