Throw Out The Ab-Blaster!!

 Pull the fire alarm or drop a box of free chocolate donuts in the break room – whatever it takes to get everyone you know in the same room because has done it again!  Research and Development has produced another outstanding product to improve the quality of the common man’s life.  A lean waistline and rock solid abs are yours for the taking with Insta-Cold! 

 Insta-Cold tablets are highly concentrated cold viruses that go to work immediately filling your sinuses and naisal cavity with an all natural, body produced substance we’ve titled Mucasnot (copyright  Now you can eat those rice cakes smothered in cottage cheese like they were danish pastries because you can’t taste a thing!  Muscasnot is EPA approved and biodegradable blocking any chance you have at tasting anything.  You could eat mothballs and not know the difference!  That’s a big help when you’re making tough choices for a snack. Insta-Cold makes cheesecake taste just like…well, nothing.  Temptation terminated! 

 Milk gone bad?  You won’t know the better when your skull becomes filled with all natural – certified organic Mucusnot!  All of the sudden, expiration dates don’t mean anything to you.  Eat with impunity! 
 Only now you can make all the right choices you’ve tried to convince yourself you could do on your own.  Don’t fool yourself, once you stare down that snack isle at the supper market it’s all over.  Insta-Cold makes chocolate become wax and Doritoes become just jagged little crackers. 

 At the same time your will to eat is being eroded, Insta-Cold goes right to work in BOTH lungs.  Besides laughter, there’s nothing better for the muscles of your abdominal wall and obliques than a good chest rattling cough.  All day at work, at home, even in the middle of the night you’ll find yourself blasting your abdomen!  How many times have you found yourself sitting at home trying to convince yourself to workout only to end up watching TV?  Now you can have your cake and not taste it too!  Between laughing along with the laugh track you’ll be sculpting you abdomen with back breaking coughs!  You won’t have a choice and that makes Insta-Cold the right choice!  (Any discharge from coughing is non-toxic, safe and common to usage of Insta-Cold.  Insta-Cold is also useful for early hernia detection.)

 Guys!  Imagine the looks you’ll get from the ladies when you walk in RIPPED.  Once she gets past the runny nose, she’ll be all over you!  Think about it…women marry smokers and smokeless tobacco users – what’s a little snot when you’re a Greek god!!

 Afraid of Insta-Cold’s wearing off and losing its effectiveness?  Don’t. patented influenza virus (DODO-1) is guaranteed to quickly mutate to its DODO-2 form.  The next mutation gets right back to work keeping you eating right and blasting those abs twenty-four seven!

 Insta-Cold is sold with a license which means your whole family can make use of the benefits.  To order call our Manhattan sky rise anytime someone is working in customer service.  Due to unusually high employee absenteeism (due to sickness) you may need to call several times but keep trying…the new you is a sneeze away!

Author: Phantaveous Ghast

I'd rather teach giant roaches to do circus tricks on a street corner in Haiti than wear a pair of skinny jeans.

4,841 thoughts on “Throw Out The Ab-Blaster!!”

  1. Hilarious! Let me guess… each bottle lasts only one month but requires three easy monthly payments of $49.95.

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