Attn: Braylee Ashington
From: Hotty Oversight Enterprise or HOE
Re: Illegal Flirtation
It has come to HOE’s attention that on the morning of December 11th, 2009 you were seen in what can only be called a “flirtatious verbal exchange” with a Jacob Kringly. Mr. Kringly is a known gamer and is thusly not conversation material. Flirting with a gamer is a Level-Three Hotness Violation. During your Hotness Orientation we made it clear that gamers were NOT to be dated. In addition we feel compelled to remind you that only last week, December 4th, you ate lunch with a goth girl named Beth Crume (Level 2 Violation) and were seen at the mall with your mother on December 5th (Level 1 Violation).
When you lose a total of ten points your status will be downgraded from Almost Unattainable to Curiously Cute. We urge you – do not let this happen! For your benefit we have included a list of traits gamers have, which can assist you in identifying and avoiding gamers in the future.
1- Poorly Groomed – Considers a lack of hair style…a hair style. Warning, this may also indicate a slacker (Level 2 Violation). Doesn’t realize he needs to shave. Has too many moles and birthmarks. Still thinks not caring about your appearance is cool.
2- Corn Syrup and Caffeine – Gamers are often seen with a six pack of Mountain Dew and bagfuls of sour gummy worms. The extra energy is not used to power them through a work out but to stay up until ridiculous hours of the morning. As a potential girlfriend you will be expected to be supportive of this!
3- Seen at Game Stop and other video game retailers – A true gamer’s habitat. You do not want to explain to your fellow hot girls why you were seen at a video game retailer! Remember, hot girls can play video games but always use a designated buyer. Little brothers are perfect for this.
4- Lack of Car- Proven Fact: A gamer’s video game system is more valuable than their car almost 9 out of 10 times. Even if the car looks satisfactory be prepared for nausea inducing stenches and a floor full of fast food containers.
5- Poor Job / Higher Education Prospects – “But hey, you should see my level 67 paladin! It took a good 116 hours to create! I can destroy a strato-dragon but I can’t change a flat tire.”
We urge you Miss Ashington, avoid Mr. Kringly and preserve your status as a proud, card carrying member of HOE. You may one day reach the highest level of hot girl ambitions…trophy wife!
Hotty Oversight Enterprise