It’s Chief Dodo here, of course.
Another year has escaped and DodoEggs.com is still lagging behind CoolPolyester.com in Internet traffic. (The problem may be me. I wear a lot of polyester and CoolPolyester.com’s prices are unbeatable.) Our stupid sponsors don’t seem to notice. Like last year, I had Eugene come up with a few false reports and goofy charts then we sent along a few free pens and an entire box of PEZ candy. Now that’s leadership.
There are other changes I’d like to make so I’ve crafted a list of New Year’s resolutions. I’m going to be successful in keeping them because I’ve promised myself I’d cut off a finger for each one I didn’t keep. That would make it difficult to do my favorite thing…craft new corporate policies!
1) Develop banana juice. (We could sell this.)
2) Turn down at least three doughnuts this year. (One in March, September, and uh…To Be Announced)
4) Explore alternative pen colors…green, purple, infrared.
5) Find a long lost, estranged friend and bury the hatchet…in their back.
6) Buy software that will teach me how to crochet, to speak Finnish, and to ice sculpt.
7) Scientifically prove no two snowflakes are alike.
8) Rearrange my calendar to create more Saturdays.
9) Keep all my teeth.
10) Avoid soft drinks…and hard ones.
That’s ten – one for each of my fingers. This is such a good idea I may make it mandatory for all my employees. How does Four-Finger Fridays sound to you?