NEWS FLASH!  Breast cancer research makes huge strides thanks to millions of women posting the color of their bras on popular websites such as FaceBook and MySpace. 

“The correlation was obvious and yet we somehow missed it.”  Blurbs Dr. Twain Tetons, head researcher at the world famous Mayonnaise Clinic in Sandwich, Massachusetts.  “As women around the world began posting exciting colors such as black, lavender, red, and sweat stain, we were able to finally put the pieces together.  Especially helpful were those who admitted they didn’t wear any.”

For years, breast cancer has taken he lives of beloved mothers, sisters, and daughters.  Rates for men remain surprisingly low. 

“Considering men’s fixation with the breast we find this surprising.”  Continues Dr. Tetons.  “We realize now that men’s keen interest in the color of women’s undergarments has helped stave off the disease for years!  The key has always been there!”

Researchers now turn their attention to prostate cancer.  Again, Dr. Tetons, “We are encouraging all men to get online and begin posting what color thier underwear is or was when they first purchased it.”   

Matt Teply of Wood Vegas, Tennessee added, “I’ll be honest with you…I understand the seriousness of the cancer and the heartbreak it has caused but the “awareness” created by posting bra colors is lost on me.  How does this help again?  Wouldn’t we all feel a bit silly listing what we were having for lunch each day to bring awareness to diabetes?”  Mr. Teply looks around and begins to feel uncomfortable.  “Ok, wait, let’s not use my real name…ok?”

Author: Phantaveous Ghast

I'd rather teach giant roaches to do circus tricks on a street corner in Haiti than wear a pair of skinny jeans.

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