Learning Graffiti

 From driving down big city streets in a purple Impala, trunk full of spray paint, to etching your  identity into a simple school desk, graffiti has always been a key part of our great American culture.  For the graffiti enthusiast, wherever the common man’s eye is allowed its sight should be filled with the art that springs forth freely from the miscreant heart.  Each display of graffiti is a wildflower in bloom amidst the wash of urban drab. 

 If coddling your inner artist and simultaneously breaking laws appeals to you, then we would like to welcome you to the world of graffiti!  There’s no need to study the Old World masters when we prefer keeping it “old school.”  We’ve been working for years to push the archaic term graffiti into the twenty-first century with updated terms such as, “spontaneous art” or “unleashed expression.”  You feel me?

 So grab a few cans of non-earth tones spray paint and prepare for life where you proudly proclaim to all your fellow citizens that “YoU wAs HEre!”

 Tips for better graffiti~~

 ~~Excessive shaking of spray paint can make enough noise to alert narrow-minded neighbors who will then contact equally short sighted policemen.  For better coverage and less attention be sure to always pre-shake your paint.

 ~~You might be inclined to fat, jumbled letters that slump the same way you do…sure go ahead but that’s armature hour.  Real spontaneous art involves gang symbols.

 ~~Dating your work isn’t necessary but putting your address allows fan mail.

 ~~Place your art in places where there are many common passers.  Anything viable from the Interstate is a good bet.  Some of our more creative artists use green and white paint to amend the signs and subtlety change their messages.  This is great fun but make sure you have your copy of the Profane Thesaurus with you. 
 ~~If arrested, tell the police officers that your mother said it was OK.  This worked once.  Offer to decorate their squad car.

 ~~Understand that your work will probably be quickly covered by city employees.  One way to delay this is to create spontaneous art that glorifies city workers: garbage men flashing gang signs is a good place to start.

 ~~Your love interest will always appreciate having their first name proudly emblazoned under overpasses and bridges for the pigeons and homeless to admire.  Make her birthday or Valentine’s Day special with a hastily worded act of vandalism. 

 Never forget the enrichment to our cultural fabric that is spontaneous art.  It’s not just a hobby!  Many of those who participate in this art form go on to run successful tattoo parlors.  Add color to your life!  Just make sure you don’t do it in my neighborhood.

Author: Phantaveous Ghast

I'd rather teach giant roaches to do circus tricks on a street corner in Haiti than wear a pair of skinny jeans.

4,795 thoughts on “Learning Graffiti”

  1. “A wildflower in bloom amidst the wash of urban drab”–very poetic

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