Bull Rider

 Career Avalanche is a handy service provided by DodoEggs.com’s experts to assist you in selecting and exceeding in the career of your choice.  Each entry in Career Avalanche inundates the reader with valuable information concerning education, licenses, and potential contacts.  You can depend on the information you’ll find in Career Avalanche.

 Today’s fascinating career….Professional Bull Rider.

 There’s no mystery why so many young men and women are flocking to this enticing field!  Let’s hear from one eager future professional bull rider…Tommy Felixson.

 “Dear Career Avalanche,

 Hi, how are you?  I am fine.  My name is Tommy Felixson and I would like to be a professional bull rider when I decide to move out of my parents place.  I’ve purchased a pair of boots, tight jeans, and a ten liter hat from some European guy on Ebay.  I’m ready to start riding professionally but I can’t seem to locate a good place to buy a bull.  Where will I find a lot of bull?”

 Right here Tommy!  It sounds like you’re on the right track.  They won’t let you ride a bull wearing baggy jeans and an over sized sweatshirt.  (One of our staff members, Eugene, tried riding a bull wearing baggy jeans.  After he was bucked, the pants fell to his ankles and he was trampled – but don’t worry he stocked the jelly bean bowl on his desk just before he left!  He’s gone but not forgotten!)  Keep wearing those tight jeans and boots!

 Next, check to see if you have a right arm.  Does it work properly?  A simple test developed by Career Avalanche should help you find out.  Start a car.  Then grab the tail pipe (Careful!  It may be hot!  Remember, Safety First!)  Have a friend slam on the gas.  If you manage to hold on a block or more, you’ve got what it takes!  You have (had) a functioning arm!

 Professional Bull Riding can be a bit technical for the uninitiated.  We’ll try to break it down. 

Step One:  Several men with sadistic sesnes of humor will strap you to the back of an angry bull.  You may hear them snicker or say things like, “This never gets old.” or “Happy trails, sucker.”  Ignore them – they ride goats. 

Step Two:  A gate will open and you may find yourself a bit disorientated like you are caught riding a pogo stick during an earthquake.  Relax, this is normal.

Step Three:  Hold the #$%%@ on!

Step Four:    At some point, you may come in contact with the ground.  Relax, this is normal.  Please locate an emergency exit found anyplace you can get your butt over. 

 The contributions you’ll make to society as a Professional Bull Rider will allow you to sleep soundly at night.  You’ve created purpose and meaning to hundreds of listless bulls who would otherwise be forced to lay around all day eating and checking out the heifers.  What a grind!  Speaking off that…you help delay these bulls being turned into Grade D Edible or Grade F Taco Bell meat!  The inability to use your arm when you’re older is well worth it!

In Summation…
Job: Professional Bull Rider
Average Salary: Varies with whatever the bull is willing to pay.
Required Education:  Actually, the less you know, the better.
Required Certifications & Licenses: Bovine Biology Certificate (Horn Emphasis)
Average Length of Career:  Four to seven seasons.  Those born with three or more arms have longer careers.

Author: Phantaveous Ghast

I'd rather teach giant roaches to do circus tricks on a street corner in Haiti than wear a pair of skinny jeans.

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